Getting a Grip on Emotions
Do you sometimes feel like your emotions take over—leaving you overwhelmed, reactive, or stuck in painful loops of self-doubt, anger, or sadness? You're not alone. Many people struggle to manage intense feelings, especially during times of stress, conflict, or loss.
The good news: we can learn to regulate our emotions in healthier ways. In fact, emotion regulation is one of the most important skills for our psychological well-being. Drawing from an evidence-based training program developed at the University of Heidelberg (Barnow et al., 2016), this blog post explores what emotion regulation is, why it matters, and how we can begin practicing it in everyday life.
What is emotion regulation?
Emotion regulation means the ability to influence which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience or express them. It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or pretending everything is fine—it’s about learning to recognize, accept, and respond to our emotions in ways that are helpful rather than harmful.
As the Heidelberg model explains, our emotions always involve several layers: thoughts (how we interpret a situation), physical sensations (like heart rate or tension), and action impulses (what we feel like doing). When a situation triggers strong emotions—like fear, shame, anger, or sadness—those layers can feel overwhelming. But with the right strategies, we can slow things down and find our footing.
Helpful vs. unhelpful strategies
We use several key strategies to deal with emotions. Some are helpful, some less so:
Helpful strategies:
Reappraisal: Changing how we think about a situation to reduce its emotional impact. For example: “Maybe that critical feedback means I have room to grow—not that I failed.”
Acceptance: Allowing an emotion to be present without fighting it. Especially helpful when we can’t change the situation itself (e.g., after a loss).
Problem-solving: Actively working to change a difficult situation or reduce its impact.
Seeking support or soothing activities: Talking to a friend, taking a walk, or doing something meaningful to rebalance yourself.
Less helpful strategies (though common!):
Suppression: Trying to hide or push away emotions. This may help short term, but often leads to tension, fatigue, or feeling disconnected.
Rumination: Replaying the same thoughts or regrets again and again without moving forward.
Avoidance: Steering clear of situations or feelings that feel uncomfortable—at the cost of long-term growth or resolution.
A key takeaway: successful emotion regulation doesn’t mean avoiding emotions—it means responding to them in ways that support your long-term well-being.
Where to start?
If you’d like to improve your emotional balance, try these small steps:
Begin by noticing: Which strategies do you tend to use? Are they helping you feel better or stay stuck?
Practice acceptance: Instead of pushing emotions away, try saying to yourself, “This is what I feel right now. It’s okay to feel it.”
Reframe your thoughts: When something upsets you, pause and ask: “Is there another way to look at this?”
Seek support: Whether it’s friends, a therapist, or a group, don’t try to manage everything alone.
Be kind to yourself: Emotion regulation is a skill—and like all skills, it takes practice and patience.
Final thoughts
Emotions are a crucial part of being human. But they don’t have to control our lives. With the right tools and support, you can learn to meet your emotions with more clarity, confidence, and care—and take steps toward the life you want to lead.
