Training Your Brain to Notice the Good

How to reconnect with joy when you feel flat or stuck

We all know those days—when even things that usually bring us joy feel like too much effort. You cancel dinner plans. You skip the walk you know would lift your mood. And somehow, you end up feeling worse.

When you’re feeling down, tired, stressed, or emotionally numb, it can be hard to tap into what psychologists call reward sensitivity—your natural capacity to seek out and enjoy positive experiences. But the good news is: that ability is not fixed. You can strengthen it. Just like a muscle, your “joy system” responds to small, regular training.

Let’s look at how.

What is reward sensitivity—and why does it matter?

Reward sensitivity is your brain’s ability to notice, respond to, and remember things that feel good. This includes moments of joy, connection, calm, beauty, inspiration, and accomplishment.

Research shows that people who increase their sensitivity to positive experiences tend to feel more optimistic, motivated, and emotionally balanced—even if they’re also dealing with anxiety or depression.

In fact, one 2023 study found that people in therapy made more progress when the focus was on enhancing positive emotions (rather than just reducing negative ones). Other studies show that simple, short daily practices can increase optimism, energy, and overall well-being.

A small daily exercise to build everyday joy

Here’s one simple exercise, based on these studies. Try it daily for a week—or longer, if it feels helpful.

1. Choose one small, pleasurable activity per day.
   Something you enjoy or that gives you a sense of meaning or accomplishment. It doesn’t have to be big—maybe a warm cup of coffee in the sun, a phone call with a friend, a walk around the block, a favorite snack, a few pages of a book.

2. After the experience, take a moment to savor it.
   Close your eyes and recall the moment in vivid detail: where you were, what you saw, how it felt. Describe it out loud to yourself in the present tense (“I’m sitting on the balcony, the sun is on my face…”). This helps your brain store the memory more deeply.

This technique, called savoring, strengthens your ability to recognize and re-experience positive emotions—and it works even if joy feels faint or fleeting.

Other simple ways to boost reward sensitivity

Expand your joy vocabulary
Don’t stop at “fine” or “good.” Try describing your emotions with more nuance: peaceful, content, hopeful, proud, touched, delighted, curious. Naming feelings helps your brain recognize and value them.

Share your highlight reel
When someone asks how your day was, resist the urge to only talk about the hard parts. Mention the sweet, silly, or satisfying moments. You’ll reinforce them for yourself—and spread a little warmth to others.

Reframe small disappointments
Let’s say only one person showed up to your group dinner. Instead of labeling it a failure, notice what went well: “I got to have a really good conversation.” Silver linings count.

Imagine positive outcomes
If you’re dreading something on your calendar, try visualizing the best version of it: the moment you feel proud after a workout, the laughter with a friend, the feeling of connection after the meeting. This primes your brain for openness and reward.

Give yourself permission to feel good
Many people, especially those who live with anxiety or depression, feel uneasy when something feels good. Sometimes joy can feel unfamiliar, undeserved, or risky. That’s normal. But practicing joy—on purpose—isn’t about ignoring pain. It’s about building emotional resilience by making space for what nourishes you, too.

Joy and sorrow can coexist

We don’t have to feel 100% happy to access joy. It’s okay to carry grief or stress and still let the sun warm your skin or laugh at something funny. As a therapist, I often remind clients: finding joy isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about making room for small, meaningful moments that help you stay grounded, even when life feels hard.

If you’d like support in reconnecting with those moments—or if you find it difficult to enjoy anything at all—I’m here to help. Together, we can gently strengthen your capacity for joy, even in tough seasons.