Starting Therapy? Here’s What Therapists Wish You Knew

Thinking about starting therapy — or returning to it after a break — can bring up a mix of emotions: hope, anxiety, uncertainty. Maybe you're wondering, “Will I like my therapist?” “Will they understand me?” or even, “Is therapy really going to help?”

These are all valid questions. And while therapy can absolutely be life-changing, there are a few things many of us therapists wish clients knew before that very first session.

Inspired by a recent article in The New York Times, here are four gentle truths to keep in mind as you begin (or continue) your journey in therapy:

The relationship matters most

You don’t need to find the “perfect method” or the therapist with the most impressive résumé. What makes therapy work, more than anything else, is the relationship between you and your therapist. In our profession, we call it the “therapeutic alliance.” In plain terms, it means: Do you feel safe? Seen? Respected?

It’s okay — and even encouraged — to speak with more than one therapist before deciding. A good fit often becomes clear within a few sessions. And if it doesn’t feel right, it’s perfectly fine to move on. Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating: trust your gut, and don’t settle for a connection that doesn’t feel supportive.

Sometimes it gets harder before it gets easier

Therapy isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it brings up emotions, patterns, or memories that you've spent years pushing away. That can be unsettling — but it’s also part of the work.

Real change often comes in small steps, not in dramatic “aha” moments. Some sessions may feel light or practical; others might feel emotionally raw or slow-moving. All of it matters. If something feels difficult, confusing, or even frustrating, you’re allowed to talk about it. Your therapist wants to hear that.

You’re allowed to ask questions and shape the process

Therapy is not something that’s done to you. It’s something we do together.

You’re invited to be an active participant — to ask questions, bring up concerns, and help shape what we focus on. It’s your space. And your voice matters, whether we’re setting goals, reviewing progress, or deciding what needs more attention.

If something doesn’t feel helpful or you’re unsure how the process is going, you don’t need to wait for your therapist to bring it up. You can always say: “Can we check in on how things are going?” or “I’m not sure this is working for me.” Good therapy makes space for that.

Coming to therapy is a sign of strength

There’s still a lingering myth that needing therapy means something is “wrong” with you. The truth? Reaching out for help takes courage. It means you're facing what’s hard instead of ignoring it. That’s not weakness — that’s strength.

Whether you're navigating anxiety, relationship stress, loss, or just feeling stuck — showing up for yourself, week after week, is a powerful act of care. Not every session will feel easy. But with time and the right support, change happens.

Final thought

Starting therapy can feel vulnerable. But it can also be a turning point. If you’re curious, unsure, or thinking about taking that step, I invite you to reach out. I’m happy to answer questions or help you explore whether therapy with me could be a good fit.

You’ve already taken a brave first step by considering it. And that matters.